Larry is smitten with Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian and Scarlett Johansson. Will his love be requited, even though the top of his head is missing? Larry talks about how hard modeling is. Don’t hate him because he’s beautiful. Then we hear about a woman who wouldn’t believe that Larry was Larry and why you shouldn’t bother starting a diet until after the Super Bowl. And we have a new update, the update update. Is this the update to end all updates? Or is it no update at all? (A gong rings in the distance.) That’s it? You’re done reading the episode description? Doesn’t surprise me. You’ve done nothing but complain…

Larry tells how to hide 20 bottles of Jameson’s behind a quart of milk and a sheepish grin. Then we hear about how in marriage math, one hour can equal TWO POINT EIGHT HOURS! Also, in this incredibly historic episode, we launch the Larry Miller Drinking Society Museum of Glad Tidings and the Larry Miller Drinking Society’s Million Martini March! Some day, you’ll tell your Grandkids where you were when you heard about this. We also get a visit from the joke of the week! Quote of the week: “There are weddings in Dublin that don’t have that much Jameson’s.” Enjoy the show? Tell a friend! And check out www.larrymillerhumor.com…

Sanctimonious loudmouths and hamper slackers alike receive Larry’s high dudgeon this week. Yes, we get another acrimonious (but not sanctimonious) Hamper Update and a bonus joke of the week — all at no extra charge! Will Larry read the stage direction in the Shari’s Berries ad copy again? Will he slice his face to ribbons again? Smart money is on “Oh, mmmmmaybe.” How is safety razor shaving related to the movie Network? How is the Hamper Update related the movie Patton? Tune in to our longest and therefore bestest episode ever where the answer to all of these mysteries will be revealed. All. questions will be answered. All fears will…

Larry takes apart his trademark sign off — just a little bit. After getting grouchy with his family on the way to Fab Dogs, he winds up laughing his way into Ralphs. Or should we say, “Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs. Rowfs.” Larry then tells a very funny joke. Plus we get a hamper update, a fivefecta update AND a leg lamp all in one episode! Don’t bother pinching yourself. You’re not dreaming. Also on this week’s This Week, our engineeer, Dr. Chris Laxamana, LMDS is MIA and presumed snoggered. All stories guaranteed true or double your money back! Quote of the week: “Gee, I hope nothing happened to him.” Enjoy the…